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Still Alive

New Years. This was supposed to be the big one. When the world ended, the computers crashed and governments fell into chaos. I did a few things to prepare. Since my landlord had a cellar full of food, I stocked up on some fresh ammunition just in case. (If she’s going to let me eat, the most I can do is defend it.) Being in charge of a network can be a little complicated and frustrating. I tested my hardware and ran my software updates. But I was running on faith and trust from the manufacturers. So I ended up getting to work about 11:30 just to make sure. I turned on the TV to hear the live broadcast of Nashville going crazy to time my servers rollover. Everything went very smoothly. I waited around about a half hour more just to make sure.

Well back to the bar I was at earlier drink Cokes and eating BBQ. Maybe I could have a few beers. But there she was. This older woman that was flirting with me still wouldn’t leave me alone. I’ve already lived out the older woman fantasy and would rather have a woman my own age. But she persisted and I was forced to make a scene. Bummer. That blew whatever was left of my night. So I played some pool and watched two gay guys get into a fight. One of them was even crying.

So I get home, drink two shots of 30 year-old scotch and go to bed. Y2K sucked.



Some People Are F-ing Stupid!

There is this lady I do business with. I won’t say what because she may object to me writing this in Adventures of MATTMAN. But when we first went into our business agreement, over a year ago, she told me of her past relationship. No this woman wasn’t hitting on me. She is twice my elder. She’s just the type of person that tells everything about herself.

One of the things she mentioned was that she had been married five times. Each one being an abusive relationship. Then she told me about a guy that was doing work for her around her house. He made a pass at her. She rejected it and he got very upset. To the point of psychotic. She said he began stalking. Once he broke in to house. When she arrived home he was there. When she pleaded for him to leave and he said that he loved her. When she rejected his cry for love, he attacked her and strangled her. He left marks on her neck and shoulders. She even showed me the pictures. My associate told me that even if she did have feelings for him, she wasn’t about to get in another abusive relationship.

I admired this. Well, five times of learning that this wasn’t the way to live should teach anyone a lesson. But some people are a little slower then others. I’ve accepted this.

Last week I meet her new boyfriend. He was in front of her house racking leaves. He called out my name and introduced himself. I didn’t like that. He acted like we were old friends. I don’t trust people like that. He gave me the creeps. I had a bad feeling about him and kept my guard up.

Later in the week I talk to someone else about this guy. They tell me it’s the same guy that I wrote about above. They love each other and they are getting married. How “F-ing Stupid” can you get?

It’s true that he strangled her around the neck. It’s true that he broke into her home. But they did date at that time. I’m not sure what the whole story is, but the facts speak for themselves.

I hear all the time about women being battered and abused. It’s the kind of thing that sickens me. But when a woman is exposed to this needless abuse several times and keeps going back is just stupid. I don’t know if it’s a psychological problem or what. But common sense should to tell you to stay away, especially when you have a good example to warn you.



Spooky & Boo

Alright Halloween, my favorite holiday. There’s always something to do. With all the freak out there something is bound to happen.

I get a call from my friend Fancy telling me about a party in the woods. Cool. What am I going to be. I know I’ll be a freak.

I pull out the slashed-up blue jeans, biker boots, metallica shirt and my Anthrax jeans jacket. One final tough, I need my hair teased. I mean really teased. It’s so crazy it is wider than my shoulders. Tie a Harley Davidson around my head and add the sun glasses. Now I look cool.

Fancy showed up in a cat-woman body suit. Personally I think it is more lingerie than a costume, but hey, it’s Halloween. Next we jet over to Fancy’s boyfriend’s house. He already looks like Kid Rock, but he adds a hat for a final touch.

Off we go. We head down a road. It turns into a a gravel road. Then a dirt road. Now this is fun, we’re in a Saab. Three miles later we come across a cabin. Lots and lots of people walking around. This should be fun. We get to the door, $5 to get in and all there beer you can drink. It would have been cool if there was enough beer.

Met a few cool people. Most thought I was Howard Stern. I should have went ahead and did the accent.

Well the beer ran out before midnight. I didn’t even get enough to get a buzz. Let’s go.

This would be a great time for the cop to show up. Perfect timing. Time to bust everyone under age. I just wish they would let people leave. An hour later they let us go.

Time to make a quick trip to Gilligan’s to make up for the night. Well that was a dive.

I think I had a better Halloween last year when I moved into my apartment.



Football & Toys

The Tennessee Vols verses the Florida Gators, is a huge game in these parts. So I wasn’t going to miss it. I walked down to the local sports bar for an evening of beer and football.

Damn Tennessee! Just couldn’t get their act together and we lose the game. So I needed a little more excitement. I headed out to the Toy Run.

The Toy Run is a weekend even held by the local biker community to raise money to purchase toys for needy children at Christmas. It kicks off on a Friday evening with different events and concerts. Saturday afternoon, all the bikers ride through town in a bike parade.



Good Deed

I was working late on a Friday night, trying to get a major project done. I left the office just after midnight, ready to fall asleep on the keyboard.

It was just after midnight so I headed down the road to get a little sleep. As I approached the new McDonalds, I noticed a car in the left hand lane with a man standing next to the driver’s side door. I slowed down to ask if they needed any help. The man, a 17-year-old black teenager, told me he was push starting her car.

I figured I’d do a good deed and help the lady in the car out, so I pulled into the driveway next door and walked across the field. When I arrived at the car, it was pushed back into the McDonalds parking lot. Another black teenager was helping. So I told them that we should push the car all the way to the back of the parking lot, instead of pushing it on the main road.

As I pushed the car backwards, I got my first good look at the lady in the car. An attractive blonde in her mid-thirties, make-up and hair messed up. I could tell she had a little too much to drink.

We got the car pushed back and started pushing it forward. She kept trying but the car wouldn’t start. We were running out of room so I had her pull it into a parking space.

I went over to her door to talk to her. I motioned for her to roll down the window. I guess it didn’t roll down, because she opened the door. I knelt down beside her seat and asked her her name. She said Suzy. I told her my name and asked if I could call someone on my cell phone for her. She said I could call her dad. She gave me the number but there was no answer. She started to cry and hugged my neck for about 15 minutes. I asked what was wrong. She said that she was getting divorced. I asked if she still loved him and she said yes.

I asked Suzy if I could take her home. She said yes but I had to drive her car. I told her it wouldn’t start, but she insisted. I tried it a couple of times, but no luck. So I gave her one of those “if the cops come by and see your car, see you in it, see what kind of shape your in… your going to jail and your car will get impounded” speeches. She thought about it and said she need to get her things.

By this time, she was really starting to pass out. I helped her gather her stuff. Then I helped her get out of the car. She couldn’t even stand by herself. One of the black teenagers was still there, so I asked if he would carry her things while I carried her. He complied. I carried Suzy across the field and set her on top of my hood. I open the door, picked her back up and put her in the front seat. The black teenager, Ray, asked if I could give him a ride home. I said what the hell and took him home first. After I dropped him off, I head back to where I found Suzy and tried to wake her up. By this time she was lying her head on my lap with arms hugging my right thigh.

I asked Suzy where she live and she could barely speak. She only moaned. By this time I was getting a little frustrated. I was ready to go to bed. So I asked Suzy if she wanted to crash at my house and I’ll take her home in the morning. She nodded her head, so I head to my house.

She was still out of it when I got to the house. So I had to carry her up to flights of steep stair, unlock the doors with one arm and carry her though a dark apartment. I laid her on the bed and went back to the car to get our things.

When I came back, she was wrapped in my blankets and all of her clothes were piled on the floor. Any other time a beautiful woman is naked in my bed I’d be excited. So I found me an old pair of shorts and a t-shirt and got ready for be. She was lying across the bed so I moved her totally limp body to one side, trying to keep the covers over her, trying to be a gentleman. I went to put a pillow under her head when she woke up, grabbed my arms and wrapped them around her, asking me if I would keep her warm. This was kind of uncomfortable. I knew nothing about her. I really didn’t trust her. So I didn’t sleep all night.

She woke up suddenly about 7:30 the next morning. She had a look that told me she wasn’t quite sure where she was at. I asked her if she remembered what happened and she said yes. I asked if she need to leave right away, she said yes. I climbed out of bed. I set her cloth on the bed. Left the room while she got dressed. When I came back, I sat on the bed and chatted for a few minutes.

She told me she went to a bar to meet her sister. She ordered a Long Island Iced Tea, but it was too strong so she ordered a margarita. She drank that, then ordered another. She took two sips and started feeling sick. Her sister never showed up. She left and went to McDonalds thinking something to eat would settle her stomach. That’s when I met up with her. I knew what had happened and told her, “someone slipped you a Mickey.” She agreed.

She thanked me several time for helping her out. It made me feel pretty good. I took her back to her car and it started fine. Gave her my number to call me if she was in trouble again. She left. I bypassed McDonalds for Hardees and grabbed breakfast.