Main Menu




Titans & Rams

So what’s all the hype. The Tennessee Titans in the Superbowl, that’s what!. The past two years they were 8-8 and now they’re 13-3, AFC Champions and kick everybody’s butt.

I’m so proud of my home team. This is the first state I’ve lived in that has had a home NFL Football team. Since I’m poor and cannot go to the Superbowl, I’ll be hosting a Superbowl party. Check us out on THE MATTCAM. We’ll have pizza and beer and my almost world famous Asshole Chicken Fingers. Why are they called Asshole Chicken Fingers? Because when you’re sitting on the toilet in the morning you’ll be calling me an asshole while your asshole is burning!

Well I’ll cut it off here and give you what I think of the game and the festivities when it’s all over.

To be continued…

That was the best damn Superbowl I have ever seen. I guess it would have better if the Titans would have won. But they played their hearts out. Personally I would never have thought they would ever get this far. They played like a team and they fought like a team. I’m damn proud of them. One thing I’ve noticed about the Titans is they play with heart. I have a feeling that next year they are going to dominate the AFC.

Titans I hope your not feeling to let down by this defeat. You have made your fans proud. I hope the best for you and your families this off season. Every game this year you have gotten better. Next year you’ll be the best. I doubt any of you will ever read my small insignificant web page, but this is where I write my thoughts, feelings and most importantly my Adventures.



Cock Tease

Its been a long week. I head to the bar for a beer. Good thing I’m in walking distance or I would loose my license one of the days. I walk in, “Wow, new bar tender… and she’s hot.” So I talk to her. She’s seem really cool. I stay later than I should, but I do get her phone number.

My brother calls me the next day and tells me how he broke up with his girlfriend. I tell him cool. Let’s go to the bar. But the bar I want to go to is where is now ex-girlfriend works. She’ll probably be there, but I talk him into it anyway. She wasn’t there but the girl I wanted to see was. She was the waitress that night. So we got a table. She gave me as much attention as a waitress in a busy bar could. My brother’s ex came in so we left early. The chic told me when she was working but I knew my schedule was busy. But I got to the other bar she was working on a Friday. This was when I really got to observe her. I’m not sure I got anymore attention than the rest of the poor saps. That’s what I get for thinking with my you know what.

After talk with some of the people she works with, I found out that this was how she operates. She should be a dancer or something. If I see her again I’m going to be straight with her. If she say, we should just be friends, I’ll tell her I have enough friends. But I don’t think I’ll see her again.



Still Alive

New Years. This was supposed to be the big one. When the world ended, the computers crashed and governments fell into chaos. I did a few things to prepare. Since my landlord had a cellar full of food, I stocked up on some fresh ammunition just in case. (If she’s going to let me eat, the most I can do is defend it.) Being in charge of a network can be a little complicated and frustrating. I tested my hardware and ran my software updates. But I was running on faith and trust from the manufacturers. So I ended up getting to work about 11:30 just to make sure. I turned on the TV to hear the live broadcast of Nashville going crazy to time my servers rollover. Everything went very smoothly. I waited around about a half hour more just to make sure.

Well back to the bar I was at earlier drink Cokes and eating BBQ. Maybe I could have a few beers. But there she was. This older woman that was flirting with me still wouldn’t leave me alone. I’ve already lived out the older woman fantasy and would rather have a woman my own age. But she persisted and I was forced to make a scene. Bummer. That blew whatever was left of my night. So I played some pool and watched two gay guys get into a fight. One of them was even crying.

So I get home, drink two shots of 30 year-old scotch and go to bed. Y2K sucked.



Some People Are F-ing Stupid!

There is this lady I do business with. I won’t say what because she may object to me writing this in Adventures of MATTMAN. But when we first went into our business agreement, over a year ago, she told me of her past relationship. No this woman wasn’t hitting on me. She is twice my elder. She’s just the type of person that tells everything about herself.

One of the things she mentioned was that she had been married five times. Each one being an abusive relationship. Then she told me about a guy that was doing work for her around her house. He made a pass at her. She rejected it and he got very upset. To the point of psychotic. She said he began stalking. Once he broke in to house. When she arrived home he was there. When she pleaded for him to leave and he said that he loved her. When she rejected his cry for love, he attacked her and strangled her. He left marks on her neck and shoulders. She even showed me the pictures. My associate told me that even if she did have feelings for him, she wasn’t about to get in another abusive relationship.

I admired this. Well, five times of learning that this wasn’t the way to live should teach anyone a lesson. But some people are a little slower then others. I’ve accepted this.

Last week I meet her new boyfriend. He was in front of her house racking leaves. He called out my name and introduced himself. I didn’t like that. He acted like we were old friends. I don’t trust people like that. He gave me the creeps. I had a bad feeling about him and kept my guard up.

Later in the week I talk to someone else about this guy. They tell me it’s the same guy that I wrote about above. They love each other and they are getting married. How “F-ing Stupid” can you get?

It’s true that he strangled her around the neck. It’s true that he broke into her home. But they did date at that time. I’m not sure what the whole story is, but the facts speak for themselves.

I hear all the time about women being battered and abused. It’s the kind of thing that sickens me. But when a woman is exposed to this needless abuse several times and keeps going back is just stupid. I don’t know if it’s a psychological problem or what. But common sense should to tell you to stay away, especially when you have a good example to warn you.



Spooky & Boo

Alright Halloween, my favorite holiday. There’s always something to do. With all the freak out there something is bound to happen.

I get a call from my friend Fancy telling me about a party in the woods. Cool. What am I going to be. I know I’ll be a freak.

I pull out the slashed-up blue jeans, biker boots, metallica shirt and my Anthrax jeans jacket. One final tough, I need my hair teased. I mean really teased. It’s so crazy it is wider than my shoulders. Tie a Harley Davidson around my head and add the sun glasses. Now I look cool.

Fancy showed up in a cat-woman body suit. Personally I think it is more lingerie than a costume, but hey, it’s Halloween. Next we jet over to Fancy’s boyfriend’s house. He already looks like Kid Rock, but he adds a hat for a final touch.

Off we go. We head down a road. It turns into a a gravel road. Then a dirt road. Now this is fun, we’re in a Saab. Three miles later we come across a cabin. Lots and lots of people walking around. This should be fun. We get to the door, $5 to get in and all there beer you can drink. It would have been cool if there was enough beer.

Met a few cool people. Most thought I was Howard Stern. I should have went ahead and did the accent.

Well the beer ran out before midnight. I didn’t even get enough to get a buzz. Let’s go.

This would be a great time for the cop to show up. Perfect timing. Time to bust everyone under age. I just wish they would let people leave. An hour later they let us go.

Time to make a quick trip to Gilligan’s to make up for the night. Well that was a dive.

I think I had a better Halloween last year when I moved into my apartment.